To honour the spooky season and our favourite holiday Halloween we have prepared 10 True Crime Haikus on - what we consider - the most sinister crimes against boobs. But we have done more than that - as each crime has already been solved.
🕯🫖 Light a candle and snuggle up with some tea. Do not forget your blankie, as these eerie tales might give you the heebie-jeebies. 👻
#1 Creeping Band
Bra's sinister hike,
Circumference of deceit,
Tight straps bind the lies.
How to solve this case: If your (sports) bra is creeping up on your back, the band size is too large, causing the weight of your breasts to pull down the bra in the front.
#2 The Strangling
Skin inflamed, breath stolen, trapped,
Movement, pain's captive.
How to solve this case: If your (sports) bra is taking your breath away, the band is too tight. Try going up one size. You might then have to go down one cup size.
Secrets, revealed sides,
Bra's betrayal, skin unveiled,
Misfit crimes concealed.
How to solve this case: If your breast tissue is spilling out on the sides of your (sports) bra, your cup size is too small. Try going up one size in the cup and down a size in the band.
Flesh beneath the bra,
Escaped, a secret slip seeks,
Misfit clues emerge.
How to solve this case: If you raise your arms above your head and the bottom of your breast tissue spills out, you might be off by several sizes. Consult a specialist or spend some trial and error time in changing rooms.
#5 Wrong Choices
Bouncing pain and fear,
Whispers creep in bra's shadow,
Support, choose with care.
How to solve this case: You might experience a lot of breast bouncing if your (sports) bra is too large or unsuitable for the activity. Select a bra with more compression and support, such as a high-impact sports bra.
#6 Cutting Straps
Straps dig, pain's cruel tale,
Red grooves mark the silent ache,
Band's wide, ill-fit wail.
How to solve this case: You might have tightened the straps of your (sports) bra to increase support, but now they might be digging into your shoulders. Try going down a size with your band instead.
#7 Shadow Valley
Breasts in shadows hide,
Top gap reveals twisted tale,
How to solve this case: There are several possible solutions for (sports) bras displaying gaps at the top of the cup. You can try tightening your bra straps, going down a cup size or finding a style suitable for your breast shape.
#8 The Itch
Itchy fabric's plot,
Comfort lost, performance fades,
Skin's safety compromised.
How to solve this case: If your (sports) bra is making you itch, this could be related to fabric quality. Look for bras made from materials with reputable certifications, such as OEKO-TEX® to ensure fabric quality and skin safety.
#9 Falling Falling
Slipping straps betray,
Fingers' measure seeks the truth,
Band's width holds the key.
How to solve this case: If the straps of your (sports) bra keep slipping off, there are several possible reasons. This could have to do with sizing (band size too large), design and style (bra straps not adjustable, the wrong style for narrow shoulders) or the age of the bra. Choose whatever is most likely and fix it.
Secrets in the cup,
Wrinkles hide a twisted tale,
More or less, they hush.
How to solve this case: If there are wrinkles evident on the cups of your (sports) bra, this might mean your cup is too large (wrinkles all over) or too small (wrinkling in the nipple area). Consult a specialist or spend some trial and error time in changing rooms.
We hope you enjoyed these terrifying tales and have found comfort and wisdom in our solutions. 🎃 🧠 Happy Halloween from AUAU Athletics®. ❤️💜